Saturday, 28 December 2013
Friday, 20 September 2013
Manual about Office Romance
I hate long write-ups as much as you do, so i shall keep this as short as possible 
Love can be found anywhere and anytime, so inasmuch as most females people tend to shy away or despise dating a co-worker, the power of cupid could still trap you in the office. It is not advisable but then if you just have to do it, here are a few tips, pros and cons attached to office romance for you.
TIPS*
1. Don't mix business with pleasure on work time. Agree to date out of work hours.
2. Stay fair! Do not give unnecessary work favours or better pay to your partner or worse punishments when you break up
3. Make sure He/She is single! Abeg no allow all those Carmen Luvana office Indecency scenes get into your head. Don't let the wrong voyeuristic intimate reasons influence you into luring another person's half in the office
PROS AND CONS
Pros:
1. You know he or she has a job and also know how productive he/she is. That's a fat plus!
2. You have a lot in common and you both can be more productive in and out of work due to similar interests.
3. There is better understanding of each other's work schedule. No need for suspicions and none of you can get angry if the other has to work late because you understand whats involved.
Cons:
1. If you break up or have a fight, you won't get as much space and respite you may need to cool down due to your frequent ''sighting'' of your partner
2. Too many gossiping about you and your partner will do your reputation at work more harm than good.
3. You might be under constant pressure to make a good impression since you don't want to belittle yourself or mess up things in the presence of your partner and that might lead you into making fatal mistakes.
You can add more tips, merits/demerits and your opinions about office romance.
Love can be found anywhere and anytime, so inasmuch as most females people tend to shy away or despise dating a co-worker, the power of cupid could still trap you in the office. It is not advisable but then if you just have to do it, here are a few tips, pros and cons attached to office romance for you.
TIPS*
1. Don't mix business with pleasure on work time. Agree to date out of work hours.
2. Stay fair! Do not give unnecessary work favours or better pay to your partner or worse punishments when you break up
3. Make sure He/She is single! Abeg no allow all those Carmen Luvana office Indecency scenes get into your head. Don't let the wrong voyeuristic
PROS AND CONS
Pros:
1. You know he or she has a job and also know how productive he/she is. That's a fat plus!
2. You have a lot in common and you both can be more productive in and out of work due to similar interests.
3. There is better understanding of each other's work schedule. No need for suspicions and none of you can get angry if the other has to work late because you understand whats involved.
Cons:
1. If you break up or have a fight, you won't get as much space and respite you may need to cool down due to your frequent ''sighting'' of your partner
2. Too many gossiping about you and your partner will do your reputation at work more harm than good.
3. You might be under constant pressure to make a good impression since you don't want to belittle yourself or mess up things in the presence of your partner and that might lead you into making fatal mistakes.
You can add more tips, merits/demerits and your opinions about office romance.
Friday, 5 July 2013
Your Comments Online Could Land You In Jail
All over the world, the social media has provided individuals with the
opportunity to express themselves. Unlike real life situations where
social etiquette and manners are largely restrictive and limiting,
people tend to have a greater sense of freedom in expressing their
interests, feelings, ideas, views and opinions on social media.
While browsing the comment sections of some news websites, blogs, forums and discussion groups, this reporter often stumbles on touchy comments or reactions by online readers whenever they feel disenchanted by the subject of a certain news story.
For example, Jonathan’s adventure and engagement with Nigerians on Facebook has made him one of the most insulted personalities on the social network. Many Nigerians who object to his policies have taken advantage of the social media to continually criticise and hurl insults and abuses at him at every opportunity.
Besides, despite Facebook’s Statement of Rights and Responsibilities, which clearly warns users to respect the rights of other people and to avoid posting content or taking any action on Facebook that infringes or violates someone else’s rights, it is common to see some people commit slander, spread lies or use lewd and profane languages to hurt others.
It is so easy for someone to upload a video on YouTube, start a group on Facebook, tweet a statement on Twitter or open a blog and start writing to attack another person’s reputation. The spontaneity with which messages go viral on the Internet further complicates matters.
However, legal experts in Nigeria warn that social media users who engage in the act of damaging people’s reputation need to retrace their steps.
According to them, the absence of a comprehensive law in the country, since Nigeria has yet to have specific laws addressing slander committed via social networks, should not be seen as providing a leeway for citizens to engage in such despicable acts.
They argue that the Evidence Act as amended in 2011 makes provision for the admissibility of computer generated evidence to prove such cases in the law court.
The Chairman of the Nigeria Bar Association, Ikeja Branch, Mr. Monday Ubani, notes that messages, which defame other people on social networks have assumed alarming dimension.
Ubani says anyone who suffers acts of defamation on social media could, as a result of the amended section of the Evidence Act, seek redress in court.
Describing defamation as a dual-nature offence, which makes it either a civil wrong or a criminal act, he says the civil form of defamation seeks to protect one’s reputation and good name from being tainted. In criminal defamation, the law seeks to prevent a situation, especially on the part of State, where public peace is endangered.
He says, “Section 84 of the Evidence Act, as amended in 2011, makes provision for admissibility of computer-generated evidence, and such evidence(s) of defamation on social networks will be acceptable when tendered once the complainant, can establish the source of the evidence; and the process of collecting the evidence can be certified.
“If the accused is found guilty in the case of criminal form of defamation, he or she risks jail term. Section 375 of the Criminal Code classifies defamation as a misdemeanour and when found liable, the accused faces a sentence of one year imprisonment.
“But if you publish a defamatory comment or material and it could be proved that the accused knows full well that the statement is false before publishing on the said medium, the accused if convicted will be sentenced to two year imprisonment.
“However, Section 376 of the Criminal Code frowns at people who defame other people’s character with the intent to extort or induce the affected person to part with money or property. Such acts are classified as felony and if found guilty, the accused risks seven years’ imprisonment for the injuries and damages done.’’
Ubani says the civil form of defamation could make the defendants pay huge sums of money in terms of remedies after determination of such suits. He advises Nigerians who make avid use of the social media to be careful with what they post on social networks as it could backfire.
Stemming from the absence of a clear-cut comprehensive law in the country guiding people’s modus operandi on social platforms, Ubani urged the National Assembly to make laws that would protect citizens from suffering injuries as a result of defamation on social media.
“We are in a digital generation and the National Assembly should move with the times. We need a substantive law that would protect people from character assassination and defamation on social platforms. We cannot continue to dwell on old laws in this age,” he adds.All over the world, the social media has provided individuals with the opportunity to express themselves. Unlike real life situations where social etiquette and manners are largely restrictive and limiting, people tend to have a greater sense of freedom in expressing their interests, feelings, ideas, views and opinions on social media. While browsing the comment sections of some news websites, blogs, forums and discussion groups, this reporter often stumbles on touchy comments or reactions by online readers whenever they feel disenchanted by the subject of a certain news story. For example, Jonathan’s adventure and engagement with Nigerians on Facebook has made him one of the most insulted personalities on the social network. Many Nigerians who object to his policies have taken advantage of the social media to continually criticise and hurl insults and abuses at him at every opportunity. Besides, despite Facebook’s Statement of Rights and Responsibilities, which clearly warns users to respect the rights of other people and to avoid posting content or taking any action on Facebook that infringes or violates someone else’s rights, it is common to see some people commit slander, spread lies or use lewd and profane languages to hurt others. It is so easy for someone to upload a video on YouTube, start a group on Facebook, tweet a statement on Twitter or open a blog and start writing to attack another person’s reputation. The spontaneity with which messages go viral on the Internet further complicates matters. However, legal experts in Nigeria warn that social media users who engage in the act of damaging people’s reputation need to retrace their steps. According to them, the absence of a comprehensive law in the country, since Nigeria has yet to have specific laws addressing slander committed via social networks, should not be seen as providing a leeway for citizens to engage in such despicable acts. They argue that the Evidence Act as amended in 2011 makes provision for the admissibility of computer generated evidence to prove such cases in the law court. The Chairman of the Nigeria Bar Association, Ikeja Branch, Mr. Monday Ubani, notes that messages, which defame other people on social networks have assumed alarming dimension. Ubani says anyone who suffers acts of defamation on social media could, as a result of the amended section of the Evidence Act, seek redress in court. Describing defamation as a dual-nature offence, which makes it either a civil wrong or a criminal act, he says the civil form of defamation seeks to protect one’s reputation and good name from being tainted. In criminal defamation, the law seeks to prevent a situation, especially on the part of State, where public peace is endangered. He says, “Section 84 of the Evidence Act, as amended in 2011, makes provision for admissibility of computer-generated evidence, and such evidence(s) of defamation on social networks will be acceptable when tendered once the complainant, can establish the source of the evidence; and the process of collecting the evidence can be certified. “If the accused is found guilty in the case of criminal form of defamation, he or she risks jail term. Section 375 of the Criminal Code classifies defamation as a misdemeanour and when found liable, the accused faces a sentence of one year imprisonment. “But if you publish a defamatory comment or material and it could be proved that the accused knows full well that the statement is false before publishing on the said medium, the accused if convicted will be sentenced to two year imprisonment. “However, Section 376 of the Criminal Code frowns at people who defame other people’s character with the intent to extort or induce the affected person to part with money or property. Such acts are classified as felony and if found guilty, the accused risks seven years’ imprisonment for the injuries and damages done.’’ Ubani says the civil form of defamation could make the defendants pay huge sums of money in terms of remedies after determination of such suits. He advises Nigerians who make avid use of the social media to be careful with what they post on social networks as it could backfire. Stemming from the absence of a clear-cut comprehensive law in the country guiding people’s modus operandi on social platforms, Ubani urged the National Assembly to make laws that would protect citizens from suffering injuries as a result of defamation on social media. “We are in a digital generation and the National Assembly should move with the times. We need a substantive law that would protect people from character assassination and defamation on social platforms. We cannot continue to dwell on old laws in this age,” he adds.
While browsing the comment sections of some news websites, blogs, forums and discussion groups, this reporter often stumbles on touchy comments or reactions by online readers whenever they feel disenchanted by the subject of a certain news story.
For example, Jonathan’s adventure and engagement with Nigerians on Facebook has made him one of the most insulted personalities on the social network. Many Nigerians who object to his policies have taken advantage of the social media to continually criticise and hurl insults and abuses at him at every opportunity.
Besides, despite Facebook’s Statement of Rights and Responsibilities, which clearly warns users to respect the rights of other people and to avoid posting content or taking any action on Facebook that infringes or violates someone else’s rights, it is common to see some people commit slander, spread lies or use lewd and profane languages to hurt others.
It is so easy for someone to upload a video on YouTube, start a group on Facebook, tweet a statement on Twitter or open a blog and start writing to attack another person’s reputation. The spontaneity with which messages go viral on the Internet further complicates matters.
However, legal experts in Nigeria warn that social media users who engage in the act of damaging people’s reputation need to retrace their steps.
According to them, the absence of a comprehensive law in the country, since Nigeria has yet to have specific laws addressing slander committed via social networks, should not be seen as providing a leeway for citizens to engage in such despicable acts.
They argue that the Evidence Act as amended in 2011 makes provision for the admissibility of computer generated evidence to prove such cases in the law court.
The Chairman of the Nigeria Bar Association, Ikeja Branch, Mr. Monday Ubani, notes that messages, which defame other people on social networks have assumed alarming dimension.
Ubani says anyone who suffers acts of defamation on social media could, as a result of the amended section of the Evidence Act, seek redress in court.
Describing defamation as a dual-nature offence, which makes it either a civil wrong or a criminal act, he says the civil form of defamation seeks to protect one’s reputation and good name from being tainted. In criminal defamation, the law seeks to prevent a situation, especially on the part of State, where public peace is endangered.
He says, “Section 84 of the Evidence Act, as amended in 2011, makes provision for admissibility of computer-generated evidence, and such evidence(s) of defamation on social networks will be acceptable when tendered once the complainant, can establish the source of the evidence; and the process of collecting the evidence can be certified.
“If the accused is found guilty in the case of criminal form of defamation, he or she risks jail term. Section 375 of the Criminal Code classifies defamation as a misdemeanour and when found liable, the accused faces a sentence of one year imprisonment.
“But if you publish a defamatory comment or material and it could be proved that the accused knows full well that the statement is false before publishing on the said medium, the accused if convicted will be sentenced to two year imprisonment.
“However, Section 376 of the Criminal Code frowns at people who defame other people’s character with the intent to extort or induce the affected person to part with money or property. Such acts are classified as felony and if found guilty, the accused risks seven years’ imprisonment for the injuries and damages done.’’
Ubani says the civil form of defamation could make the defendants pay huge sums of money in terms of remedies after determination of such suits. He advises Nigerians who make avid use of the social media to be careful with what they post on social networks as it could backfire.
Stemming from the absence of a clear-cut comprehensive law in the country guiding people’s modus operandi on social platforms, Ubani urged the National Assembly to make laws that would protect citizens from suffering injuries as a result of defamation on social media.
“We are in a digital generation and the National Assembly should move with the times. We need a substantive law that would protect people from character assassination and defamation on social platforms. We cannot continue to dwell on old laws in this age,” he adds.All over the world, the social media has provided individuals with the opportunity to express themselves. Unlike real life situations where social etiquette and manners are largely restrictive and limiting, people tend to have a greater sense of freedom in expressing their interests, feelings, ideas, views and opinions on social media. While browsing the comment sections of some news websites, blogs, forums and discussion groups, this reporter often stumbles on touchy comments or reactions by online readers whenever they feel disenchanted by the subject of a certain news story. For example, Jonathan’s adventure and engagement with Nigerians on Facebook has made him one of the most insulted personalities on the social network. Many Nigerians who object to his policies have taken advantage of the social media to continually criticise and hurl insults and abuses at him at every opportunity. Besides, despite Facebook’s Statement of Rights and Responsibilities, which clearly warns users to respect the rights of other people and to avoid posting content or taking any action on Facebook that infringes or violates someone else’s rights, it is common to see some people commit slander, spread lies or use lewd and profane languages to hurt others. It is so easy for someone to upload a video on YouTube, start a group on Facebook, tweet a statement on Twitter or open a blog and start writing to attack another person’s reputation. The spontaneity with which messages go viral on the Internet further complicates matters. However, legal experts in Nigeria warn that social media users who engage in the act of damaging people’s reputation need to retrace their steps. According to them, the absence of a comprehensive law in the country, since Nigeria has yet to have specific laws addressing slander committed via social networks, should not be seen as providing a leeway for citizens to engage in such despicable acts. They argue that the Evidence Act as amended in 2011 makes provision for the admissibility of computer generated evidence to prove such cases in the law court. The Chairman of the Nigeria Bar Association, Ikeja Branch, Mr. Monday Ubani, notes that messages, which defame other people on social networks have assumed alarming dimension. Ubani says anyone who suffers acts of defamation on social media could, as a result of the amended section of the Evidence Act, seek redress in court. Describing defamation as a dual-nature offence, which makes it either a civil wrong or a criminal act, he says the civil form of defamation seeks to protect one’s reputation and good name from being tainted. In criminal defamation, the law seeks to prevent a situation, especially on the part of State, where public peace is endangered. He says, “Section 84 of the Evidence Act, as amended in 2011, makes provision for admissibility of computer-generated evidence, and such evidence(s) of defamation on social networks will be acceptable when tendered once the complainant, can establish the source of the evidence; and the process of collecting the evidence can be certified. “If the accused is found guilty in the case of criminal form of defamation, he or she risks jail term. Section 375 of the Criminal Code classifies defamation as a misdemeanour and when found liable, the accused faces a sentence of one year imprisonment. “But if you publish a defamatory comment or material and it could be proved that the accused knows full well that the statement is false before publishing on the said medium, the accused if convicted will be sentenced to two year imprisonment. “However, Section 376 of the Criminal Code frowns at people who defame other people’s character with the intent to extort or induce the affected person to part with money or property. Such acts are classified as felony and if found guilty, the accused risks seven years’ imprisonment for the injuries and damages done.’’ Ubani says the civil form of defamation could make the defendants pay huge sums of money in terms of remedies after determination of such suits. He advises Nigerians who make avid use of the social media to be careful with what they post on social networks as it could backfire. Stemming from the absence of a clear-cut comprehensive law in the country guiding people’s modus operandi on social platforms, Ubani urged the National Assembly to make laws that would protect citizens from suffering injuries as a result of defamation on social media. “We are in a digital generation and the National Assembly should move with the times. We need a substantive law that would protect people from character assassination and defamation on social platforms. We cannot continue to dwell on old laws in this age,” he adds.
Tuesday, 28 May 2013
Making it a Great Resume
When you are on the search for a new job, it can be overwhelming
to compile your history into a brief overview that will appeal to
potential employers. However, that is exactly what you need to do when
you write a resume. In order for your resume to stand out among the
hundreds of others that will be received, you need to follow these tips
to help you write a wonderful resume.
Keep It Brief
As you are creating your resume, keep in mind that you are simply introducing yourself and are trying to encourage the company to grant you an interview. Your resume does not need to include your entire life history or extremely detailed information. If you have work experience that does not pertain to your current career, you can leave it out. You should also use bullet lists so that the person reading your resume can easily see your work history, education and qualifications. Make sure that you are specific about the degree you earned and what your roles were in your previous positions, but save the details for when you are in the interview. Overall, your resume should only be one or two pages long.
Make It Attractive
The overall appearance of your resume is just as important as its contents. Your resume should have a clean and professional appearance in order to catch the eye of the person reading it. You should also use average font sizes, such as 11 or 12 so that your text is not too hard to read, and use Times or Arial fonts as you are typing.
Make It Personal
Many people create one resume and then send it to every company they want to work for, but this is too impersonal. You should create a resume for each job that you are applying for, and tailor the details to match the company's goals and the role for which you are applying. Include information about how your experience can benefit the company, and be specific about your past awards, achievements or figures that may pertain to them.
Put the Important Information First
While you may want to put your history in chronological order, you should also put the most important information at the top so that it catches the eye of the employer. Start with a section about your relative work history so that the reader can see that you have the experience they need. When you list your qualifications, you should also list the most relative qualifications first.
It can be daunting task to write your resume, and it is often helpful to enlist the help of someone else to look it over. With the perfect resume, you will get several calls from potential employers asking for an interview.
Keep It Brief
As you are creating your resume, keep in mind that you are simply introducing yourself and are trying to encourage the company to grant you an interview. Your resume does not need to include your entire life history or extremely detailed information. If you have work experience that does not pertain to your current career, you can leave it out. You should also use bullet lists so that the person reading your resume can easily see your work history, education and qualifications. Make sure that you are specific about the degree you earned and what your roles were in your previous positions, but save the details for when you are in the interview. Overall, your resume should only be one or two pages long.
Make It Attractive
The overall appearance of your resume is just as important as its contents. Your resume should have a clean and professional appearance in order to catch the eye of the person reading it. You should also use average font sizes, such as 11 or 12 so that your text is not too hard to read, and use Times or Arial fonts as you are typing.
Make It Personal
Many people create one resume and then send it to every company they want to work for, but this is too impersonal. You should create a resume for each job that you are applying for, and tailor the details to match the company's goals and the role for which you are applying. Include information about how your experience can benefit the company, and be specific about your past awards, achievements or figures that may pertain to them.
Put the Important Information First
While you may want to put your history in chronological order, you should also put the most important information at the top so that it catches the eye of the employer. Start with a section about your relative work history so that the reader can see that you have the experience they need. When you list your qualifications, you should also list the most relative qualifications first.
It can be daunting task to write your resume, and it is often helpful to enlist the help of someone else to look it over. With the perfect resume, you will get several calls from potential employers asking for an interview.
Monday, 27 May 2013
Significance of Children's day
My Thoughts On What It Should Hold For Children In The country
Its quite clear that the objectives and goals for setting up the Children's day is hugely demanding and should not be neglected. These goals set by the world at large are based on the rights, for the good and betterment of children globally.
Education
What do you think about the level, quantity and quality of Education pertaining to Children in the country. I don't what to say about it. I mean its shameful that most of the children in the country are still under standard with respect to education in the country. I don't know how bad it will be to generalize on this...but its still obvious. One can be poised to ask why there is a large difference between an American kid and a Nigerian?
Its about education...quality one. Like I said, this is the children's day. As we celebrate it, let us the government, parents, teachers, guardians not forget what it holds for them.
Fundamental Rights
The Children's Day also reminds us of rights of the children all over the nation irrespective of class, tribe, religion etc. Maltreatment, Abuse of the type, little or no education, etc violates those rights.
Insights And Knowledge About The Country
They are the future leaders... They need insights and knowledge about the country.
Crisis In The Country
Let us remember that the crisis in the country has resulted to deaths of many children. Its a day for compensation, consolidation, love, hope, life anew to the children and also to the family or guardians of the deceased children.
The Big Day
Like I said its just my thought on what the Children's Day holds for children in the country... What do you think...whats your own thought...are there any positive changes the Children Day celebration has brought to the country?
Thursday, 23 May 2013
9 Antidotes against being a weaker female
1. Identify your femaleness.
Find that part of you that makes you a special female specifically. Do you have pretty eyes? A lyrical voice? Flowing hair? Find something that you can look at your feminine side and say now that is something woman about me. It doesn't have to be an appearance characteristic, but definitely something men just can't pull off like you do.
2. Find a strong woman you believe in.
Emulate her. Look to Audrey Hepburn, Mother Teresa, Hillary Clinton, your mother, your best friend's big sister, anyone! Find a woman you appreciate. Next time you need to be strong think to yourself, "What would (insert name) do?"
3. Cut out all the drama.
It can be hard but confident strong women don't appreciate gossip and over the top emotional situations. You can be a tender, emotional, easily moved woman. That does not mean you need to talk about other people's business. When gossip comes up in conversation think classy and don't contribute.
4. Start talking to people and be proud of what you have to say.
Confidence is key. It can be very difficult when you are a reserved woman, but speaking up changes everything. Make conversation with strangers (in an appropriate, non-threatening manner) and stay involved in current events and newsworthy topics to help make wise up-to-date chit chat. When speaking to those you already know speak more than you usually do, but give people a chance to speak about themselves as well. (No one likes to do anything more than talk about themselves and taking that away is dangerous.) Remember to be proud, patient, pensive when speaking. You don't want to come off as cheeky or boastful so thoroughly thinking through your statements can be helpful.
5. Kiss the past goodbye.
If you're doing an internal make over than wiping your past clean can be a great mental break. Take a step back and think to yourself, "I woke up this morning a powerful female. I'm staying that way no matter what comes my way, and anything I did yesterday can just melt away. I'm not doing that again." And if your past ever does come back to bite you, supply an apology from a place of both humility and strength. If you feel the need to let these people know you're moving on tell them so. They may not agree and the band-aid formed may not hold, but you will be happier internally if you stay strong, don't lash out, and keep your cool.
6. Keep your convictions.
Don't run from fights. Wanting to avoid conflict is a natural reaction to any issue, but fleeing from it doesn't always help. Speak what's on your mind in a civil manner, even if you're opponent is not being as lady-like. Tell them why you believe you are correct, justify that statement, and give them an opportunity to speak openly. If you discover you are correct and they lay down walk away empowered, but be gracious about your victory. If you discover you were wrong in your beliefs politely explain what you were wrong about, apologize if necessary, and walk away guilt free. (Over apologizing can be painful, so be calm and remain strong.) If you come to a dead tie that remains unresolved: drop it. If it's brought back up, handle it. But don't go searching for an issue.
7. Admit your flaws. Be open and content with things you are not good at, laugh about photos of yourself you find unflattering, and smile about positions you did not achieve/ contests you did not win etc. Be content not being perfect. Women who try to be exempt from flaws crumble faster than those with too many to count.
8. Be happy having enemies.
From a young age everyone must learn that some people just won't like you. Once you know you are disliked by someone (whether it was provoked or not) understand that and know they aren't worth your time. Don't force a friendship to happen, it will do more harm than good.
9. Handle insults and compliments with grace.
Take every comment made about you as lightly as possible. Appreciate flattering statements with a simple un-exaggerated "thank you" and ignore not so flattering comments.
Find that part of you that makes you a special female specifically. Do you have pretty eyes? A lyrical voice? Flowing hair? Find something that you can look at your feminine side and say now that is something woman about me. It doesn't have to be an appearance characteristic, but definitely something men just can't pull off like you do.
2. Find a strong woman you believe in.
Emulate her. Look to Audrey Hepburn, Mother Teresa, Hillary Clinton, your mother, your best friend's big sister, anyone! Find a woman you appreciate. Next time you need to be strong think to yourself, "What would (insert name) do?"
3. Cut out all the drama.
It can be hard but confident strong women don't appreciate gossip and over the top emotional situations. You can be a tender, emotional, easily moved woman. That does not mean you need to talk about other people's business. When gossip comes up in conversation think classy and don't contribute.
4. Start talking to people and be proud of what you have to say.
Confidence is key. It can be very difficult when you are a reserved woman, but speaking up changes everything. Make conversation with strangers (in an appropriate, non-threatening manner) and stay involved in current events and newsworthy topics to help make wise up-to-date chit chat. When speaking to those you already know speak more than you usually do, but give people a chance to speak about themselves as well. (No one likes to do anything more than talk about themselves and taking that away is dangerous.) Remember to be proud, patient, pensive when speaking. You don't want to come off as cheeky or boastful so thoroughly thinking through your statements can be helpful.
5. Kiss the past goodbye.
If you're doing an internal make over than wiping your past clean can be a great mental break. Take a step back and think to yourself, "I woke up this morning a powerful female. I'm staying that way no matter what comes my way, and anything I did yesterday can just melt away. I'm not doing that again." And if your past ever does come back to bite you, supply an apology from a place of both humility and strength. If you feel the need to let these people know you're moving on tell them so. They may not agree and the band-aid formed may not hold, but you will be happier internally if you stay strong, don't lash out, and keep your cool.
6. Keep your convictions.
Don't run from fights. Wanting to avoid conflict is a natural reaction to any issue, but fleeing from it doesn't always help. Speak what's on your mind in a civil manner, even if you're opponent is not being as lady-like. Tell them why you believe you are correct, justify that statement, and give them an opportunity to speak openly. If you discover you are correct and they lay down walk away empowered, but be gracious about your victory. If you discover you were wrong in your beliefs politely explain what you were wrong about, apologize if necessary, and walk away guilt free. (Over apologizing can be painful, so be calm and remain strong.) If you come to a dead tie that remains unresolved: drop it. If it's brought back up, handle it. But don't go searching for an issue.
7. Admit your flaws. Be open and content with things you are not good at, laugh about photos of yourself you find unflattering, and smile about positions you did not achieve/ contests you did not win etc. Be content not being perfect. Women who try to be exempt from flaws crumble faster than those with too many to count.
8. Be happy having enemies.
From a young age everyone must learn that some people just won't like you. Once you know you are disliked by someone (whether it was provoked or not) understand that and know they aren't worth your time. Don't force a friendship to happen, it will do more harm than good.
9. Handle insults and compliments with grace.
Take every comment made about you as lightly as possible. Appreciate flattering statements with a simple un-exaggerated "thank you" and ignore not so flattering comments.
Recommended things to discuss with your ideal man before marriage
Getting married is a big deal, that is why it is important to follow
this list of things to discuss before marriage. Covering these topics
will ensure that you and your future husband have an understanding of
what each of you want for the future. This list covers everything from
children to money to who’s doing the dishes Friday night.
1. CHILDREN:It is natural to think about children as you are planning a wedding. Marriage means starting a family, even if “Family” for you doesn't include having kids. Before you get married you need to discuss if you will have children, how many kids you want, will you adopt, and when you will start growing your family if you are having children. Don’t go into your marriage thinking that you can change each other’s mind. It’s not fair to expect a man to father children he doesn’t want or to deny him children. If this is the case you would both be happier with someone else.
2. MONEY:Life cost money. There is no denying that, which is why money is one thing to discuss before marriage. It’s important that both of you have an understanding on how to handle money. You also need to decide if you will keep separate bank accounts or join together. You should also discuss who is going to pay the bills and how much money you will save each month?
3. FAMILY:Have you met his family yet? Do you like them? Now is the time to figure out how you will handle your families and where you will lay boundaries. It’s insane to enter a marriage and think that his parents or your parents aren’t going to try to interfere at some point.
4. GOALS: Does he know what your future goals are? Do you know his? If you are career minded and plan to put all you have into work for the next 5 years so you can get a certain promotion or make a certain amount of money he needs to know this. You also need to know how his goals of quitting his current job to become a wedding singer are going to affect your life.
5. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING?:What’s the plan after you get married? Maybe you already live together and that takes out some of need to discuss before marriage, but you may still want to know how long do you plan to stay in your current home or if you need to start saving up to buy a house in the near future.
6. RELIGION:Believe it or not but religion is a very important thing to discuss before marriage. Chances are if you guys come from different religious backgrounds the topic has come up more than once. Figure out before you get married how you will celebrate religious holidays and handle any religious differences.
7. SECRETS:Secrets are another thing to let go of. If you think there might be a Unclad picture of you floating around out there from an ex-boyfriend or a job you held that you aren’t so proud of, tell him. It’s always best to come clean than to live worrying about it slipping out. How horrible would it be for your husband to find out at a party with all his friends that you use to dress as a clown at little kids’ birthday parties?
8. FAITHFULNESS :You would think that taking a vow to love one another unconditionally would sum up each other ideas on faithfulness, but that isn’t always the case. Some people really do believe that if you are different area codes it’s okay to mess around. Know for sure you are on the same page when it comes to faithfulness before taking the walk down the aisle.
9. VALUES:Everyone has their own set of values. While most values don’t differ too much one thing to discuss before marriage is what values are most important to each of you. Then you can decide what values you will share as a family.
10. SHOWING LOVE:We all receive love differently. Some people feel more loved when you give them a compliment or constantly reassure them of your love. Others see love as action. Find out what things you can do for each other to show you love one another.
11. CHORES:Didn’t think chores were a thing to discuss before marriage? Trust me it’s a talk you absolutely want to have. You need to be clear on what your expectations are on keeping the house clean. Decide who is responsible for what chores now, so everyone knows who is at fault when the trash hasn’t been taken out and the toilet is filthy.
12. BUDGET:It’s not enough to just discuss your finances. You also need to work out a budget together. This budget should cover all your bills, create a plan to pay off any debt, and save for the future. A good budget will clearly state how much money is left over each month to spend on personal items.
13. QUALITY TIME:Another thing to consider discussing before marriage is how you will spend quality time together. Don’t forget to plan date nights and special ways to appreciate each other.
14. PARENTING:If you have decided to have children you also need to discuss how you will parent. There are many different parenting styles. Some parents are stricter while other parents let things slide. There isn’t a right or wrong it’s just an important thing to know before marriage
15. HOW TO FIGHT:Do you know how to fight fair? Discuss before marriage how you can approach problems without getting ugly. Also figure out what topics are hot buttons that should be avoided in order to fight fair
16. FORGIVENESS:How will you forgive each other after an argument? Do you know what acts he considers unforgivable or may make it extremely hard for him to forgive you wholeheartedly? Find out these sort of things now.
17. TRUST:Can you trust each other? Are there certain things that he doesn’t trust you with right now? How can you get that trust back? Discuss before marriage any trust issues you have with each other.
18.JEALOUSY:Jealousy can be a huge downfall in any relationship. If you are a jealous person let him know that. Tell him the things that make you jealous and how he can avoid those things are help you get through them.
As you can see there are many things to discuss before marriage. Don’t let these topics scar you off about getting married. It’s just important that you and your future husband have a full understanding of one another. What are some other important things to discuss before marriage?
SOURCE:http://abidemionline.com/relationship/things-to-discuss-with-him-before-marriage/
1. CHILDREN:It is natural to think about children as you are planning a wedding. Marriage means starting a family, even if “Family” for you doesn't include having kids. Before you get married you need to discuss if you will have children, how many kids you want, will you adopt, and when you will start growing your family if you are having children. Don’t go into your marriage thinking that you can change each other’s mind. It’s not fair to expect a man to father children he doesn’t want or to deny him children. If this is the case you would both be happier with someone else.
2. MONEY:Life cost money. There is no denying that, which is why money is one thing to discuss before marriage. It’s important that both of you have an understanding on how to handle money. You also need to decide if you will keep separate bank accounts or join together. You should also discuss who is going to pay the bills and how much money you will save each month?
3. FAMILY:Have you met his family yet? Do you like them? Now is the time to figure out how you will handle your families and where you will lay boundaries. It’s insane to enter a marriage and think that his parents or your parents aren’t going to try to interfere at some point.
4. GOALS: Does he know what your future goals are? Do you know his? If you are career minded and plan to put all you have into work for the next 5 years so you can get a certain promotion or make a certain amount of money he needs to know this. You also need to know how his goals of quitting his current job to become a wedding singer are going to affect your life.
5. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING?:What’s the plan after you get married? Maybe you already live together and that takes out some of need to discuss before marriage, but you may still want to know how long do you plan to stay in your current home or if you need to start saving up to buy a house in the near future.
6. RELIGION:Believe it or not but religion is a very important thing to discuss before marriage. Chances are if you guys come from different religious backgrounds the topic has come up more than once. Figure out before you get married how you will celebrate religious holidays and handle any religious differences.
7. SECRETS:Secrets are another thing to let go of. If you think there might be a Unclad picture of you floating around out there from an ex-boyfriend or a job you held that you aren’t so proud of, tell him. It’s always best to come clean than to live worrying about it slipping out. How horrible would it be for your husband to find out at a party with all his friends that you use to dress as a clown at little kids’ birthday parties?
8. FAITHFULNESS :You would think that taking a vow to love one another unconditionally would sum up each other ideas on faithfulness, but that isn’t always the case. Some people really do believe that if you are different area codes it’s okay to mess around. Know for sure you are on the same page when it comes to faithfulness before taking the walk down the aisle.
9. VALUES:Everyone has their own set of values. While most values don’t differ too much one thing to discuss before marriage is what values are most important to each of you. Then you can decide what values you will share as a family.
10. SHOWING LOVE:We all receive love differently. Some people feel more loved when you give them a compliment or constantly reassure them of your love. Others see love as action. Find out what things you can do for each other to show you love one another.
11. CHORES:Didn’t think chores were a thing to discuss before marriage? Trust me it’s a talk you absolutely want to have. You need to be clear on what your expectations are on keeping the house clean. Decide who is responsible for what chores now, so everyone knows who is at fault when the trash hasn’t been taken out and the toilet is filthy.
12. BUDGET:It’s not enough to just discuss your finances. You also need to work out a budget together. This budget should cover all your bills, create a plan to pay off any debt, and save for the future. A good budget will clearly state how much money is left over each month to spend on personal items.
13. QUALITY TIME:Another thing to consider discussing before marriage is how you will spend quality time together. Don’t forget to plan date nights and special ways to appreciate each other.
14. PARENTING:If you have decided to have children you also need to discuss how you will parent. There are many different parenting styles. Some parents are stricter while other parents let things slide. There isn’t a right or wrong it’s just an important thing to know before marriage
15. HOW TO FIGHT:Do you know how to fight fair? Discuss before marriage how you can approach problems without getting ugly. Also figure out what topics are hot buttons that should be avoided in order to fight fair
16. FORGIVENESS:How will you forgive each other after an argument? Do you know what acts he considers unforgivable or may make it extremely hard for him to forgive you wholeheartedly? Find out these sort of things now.
17. TRUST:Can you trust each other? Are there certain things that he doesn’t trust you with right now? How can you get that trust back? Discuss before marriage any trust issues you have with each other.
18.JEALOUSY:Jealousy can be a huge downfall in any relationship. If you are a jealous person let him know that. Tell him the things that make you jealous and how he can avoid those things are help you get through them.
As you can see there are many things to discuss before marriage. Don’t let these topics scar you off about getting married. It’s just important that you and your future husband have a full understanding of one another. What are some other important things to discuss before marriage?
SOURCE:http://abidemionline.com/relationship/things-to-discuss-with-him-before-marriage/
Saturday, 18 May 2013
Trendy old pictures not to be forgotten
These pics gets me tinkin n laffin!!...on hw life have evolved!!.......happy viewing!!
How to write your own letter
Writing Your Own Letter
- 1Decide how formal your letter needs to be. How you write the letter will depend on your relationship with the recipient. Consider these guidelines:
- If you're writing to a government official, prospective employer, dignitary, academic official or anyone else with whom you hope to have a professional relationship, the letter should be formal.
- If you're writing to your current employer, a co-worker you don't see socially, a distant or elderly relative, or someone you don't know very well, the letter should probably be semiformal.
- 2Decide whether you'll send a handwritten letter or an email. The way you choose to send your letter also indicates a degree of formality.
- Most formal letters should be typed and sent through the post. The exception is if your letter is extremely time-sensitive, or if you know the recipient prefers email.
- For informal letters, an email or handwritten letter is acceptable.
- For a semiformal letter, you'll have to make the call. If the other person has chosen to communicate with you primarily through email, then email is probably a safe bet. If you're not sure, go with the handwritten letter.
- 3Use letterhead, or write your address at the top of the letter (formal only). If you're writing a business letter and company letterhead is available, make use of it. Or, if you simply want your letter to look more professional, you can design a letterhead on a word processing program. Otherwise, simply write or type your full home address at the top of the letter, justified to the left. Write your street address on the first line, and your city, state and ZIP code on the second line.
- 4Write the date (all letters). If you've written your address first, make a two hard returns or leave a few spaces, then write the date. Otherwise, start with the date first, justified to the left.
- Write out the full date. "9 September 2012" (British) or "September 9, 2012" (American) are both preferable to "Sept. 9, 2012" or "9/9/12."
- If you're sending a semiformal or informal letter via email, there's no need to add the date — the email will be timestamped.
- 5Write the name, title and address of the person you're writing to (formal only). Make two hard returns after the date, or leave a few spaces, and write out the full name and title of the person you're writing to. On the second line, write the name of the company or organization (if applicable). Write the street address on the third line, and the city, state and ZIP code on the fourth line.
- There's no need to do this on emails.
- This also isn't necessary on semi-formal or informal handwritten letters. Writing the name and address on the envelope is sufficient.
- If you're writing the letter as an inquiry and you have no contact person, simply name the company or organization and give its address.
- 6Start with a salutation. The salutation you use will depend on your relationship with the recipient of the letter, as well as the formality of the letter. Here are some possibilities:
- For formal letters that you aren't writing to a specific contact person, you can start with "To Whom It May Concern," with a colon (:) after "concern."
- If you don't have a specific contact person, but you do know the genders (male female) of the group of recipients, you have a few more options. You can write "Dear Sirs," "Dear Madams," or "Dear Sirs and Madams." Be careful with this one, though — you don't want to offend someone before (He/She) even reads or opens your letter.
- If you're writing a formal letter and you do know a contact person, the safest salutation to use is "Dear. or my i have your attion" If you think that seems a bit touchy-feely and you'd rather not use it, you can simply write the recipient's name with a courtesy title, and end with a comma (Such as "Mrs. Jones, ... ").
- If you're writing a semiformal letter, you might use "Dear" or "Hello" as a salutation.
- If you're writing an informal letter, you can use "Dear" or "Hello," as well as more informal greetings such as "Hi" or "Hey."
- 7Write the recipient's name after the salutation.
- If the letter is formal, use courtesy titles such as Mr., Mrs., Dr., or any military or government titles, and then use the recipient's last name.
- If the letter is semiformal, you'll have to decide whether you can call the recipient by his or her first-name or not. The safer bet is going with a courtesy title if you're unsure.
- For an informal letter, you can generally assume that you're allowed to call the other person by his or her first name. One notable exception might be elderly family members, who should be addressed with titles like Aunt or Grandpa, followed by the first name.
- 8Start the letter. Do two hard returns after the salutation if your'e typing the letter, or simply move to the next line if you're writing it by hand.
- If you're writing a personal letter, start by asking after the recipient's well-being. This can be as formal as "I hope you are well" or as informal as "How's it going?".
- If you're writing a business or other formal letter, get straight to the point. Time is money, and you don't want to waste the recipient's time.
- 9Ask yourself what needs to be communicated. The primary purpose of a letter is communication. As you write, ask yourself what information the recipient should have, and put that into the letter. Do you need to talk about the new rates on your product, how much you miss the other person, or thank him or her for the birthday gift? Whatever it is, sharing information should be the focus of the letter.
- Know what not to write. A letter written in anger or to solicit pity is probably not a letter you should send. If you've already written such a letter and you're unsure about sending it, let it sit for a few days before you pop it into the mailbox — you might change your mind.
- 10Proofread your letter. Before you send the letter, read over it a few times to make sure it conveys what you wanted to say, and that it's free of spelling or grammatical errors. Use the spellcheck feature on your word processor or email client, or have a friend read it over for you. Make any necessary changes.
- 11Use a complimentary close. A complimentary close ends your letter on a good note and establishes a connection with the recipient. Make two hard returns after the last paragraph of the letter, then write the complimentary close.
- For formal letters, stick to "Sincerely yours," "Kindest regards," or "Best wishes."
- For a semiformal letter, you can shorten the above closes to "Sincerely," "Regards," or "Best." You could also use "Very sincerely," "Very best," or "Cordially."
- For informal letters, your close should reflect your relationship with the recipient. If you're writing to a spouse, dear friend, or close family member, you could use "Affectionately," "Fondly," or "Love."
- If you're feeling ambitious, you can use an old-fashioned complimentary close on a formal letter (or if you're writing a close friend who will appreciate the effort). Fit the close into a sentence. For instance, the last paragraph of your letter could read "I remain, as ever, ..." Make two hard returns, then write "Sincerely yours." In this way, the last line of the letter and the complimentary close read like a sentence. You can get creative with this and find other ways to weave in the complimentary close.
- 12Sign your name. How you sign your name will depend on the nature of your letter.
- For formal letters that have been typed, leave about four spaces between the complimentary close and your typed full name. Then sign your name in blue or black ink in the space between the two.
- If you're sending a formal email, type your full name after the complimentary close.
- If you wish, you can use a courtesy title for yourself when you put your name at the end of a formal letter. For instance, a married woman might sign as "Mrs. John Smith," if that's how she wants to be known.
- For semiformal letters, it's your decision as to whether you use your first name or your full name. You can also type and sign your name, as you would for a formal letter, or simply sign it.
- For an informal letter, there's no need to type your full name at the bottom. Type your first name at the bottom of an informal email, or simply sign your first name at the end of a handwritten letter.
- 13Fold the letter (optional). If you're sending a letter through the post, fold it into thirds. Bring the bottom of the sheet up so that it's two-thirds of the way up the page, and crease. Then fold down the top portion so that the crease matches up with the bottom of the paper. Folding the letter this way ensures that it will fit into most envelopes.
- 14Address the envelope (optional). Find the center of the envelope, both lengthwise and widthwise. This is where you'll write the full address of the recipient, like so:
- Mr. John Smith
- 123 ABC St.
- New York City, NY 99999
- 15Write your return address on the envelope (optional). If the US Postal Service cannot deliver your letter for any reason, it will send the letter back to the return address at no extra charge. Write it as you would the address of the recipient (listed above); the only change is that you might wish to simply list your last name instead of your full name.
Ten Myths about Introverts
Top ten myths about introverts
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
This list was inspired by the book The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Laney.
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
This list was inspired by the book The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Laney.
Thursday, 14 February 2013
Why the hype about Valentine's day?
Personally, I don't like following the bandwagon. For the mere fact that more than half of the world population think Valentine celebrations worth it doesn't means that it right. I've always wondered if anyone here have paused to ask question about this over-hyped Valentine Day thing. I've never seen any thread here seeking to ask questions about Val either. Rather, everybody is thinking and suggesting to others how to make their long awaited Val Day worthwhile. Well, for me, I've heard stories that the government at the time of Father Valentine made a Decree forbidding young men to get married but rather to join the army. But Father Valentine not knowing to the government was secretly conducting marriages and charging fees too. So the government heard about this and ordered his arrest. He was immediately put behind bars and allowed to rot in jail. Today, he is celebrated as one who died for love! The question now is: If this story is true, does this man worth celebrating? Did he actually died for love or for his own self interest? Even if the story is not true, and he actually died for love, is what he did greater than what Jesus Christ did? Can't we be celebrating Jesus Christ everyday? Is Val celebration really justified?
Monday, 14 January 2013
The black patch ( A Story)
I did not die that day.
However things changed in ways I had least expected. I was just a nine year old, I was not prepared for it.
You see, my family was not a very big one. At least Papa liked to think so.
At times, when we watched the evening news on tv we saw young men paraded for armed robbery. Every such time, papa would shake his head and say:
"This is why people should not have more children than they can care for. They end up constituting nuisance to the society."
I loved the sound of it. I knew I would speak 'big big grammar' like papa when I grew up.
One day, I recited the last sentence with him the best way I knew how. He stopped, looked at me, smiled and said "that's my boy"
I didnt know what nuisance meant but the way he said it, it sure was something really bad.
I was never going to be a nuisance. I was going to be like papa when I grew up. And Messi too.
I was going to buy a big coloured television and watch it with my family.
I loved the way friends of papa and mama called me papa's carbon copy.
Papa was not a very tall man, but he had a heavy build and his skin was the colour of chocolate. His hair, black, above a pair of thick eye brows, was always cut short, without the slightest hint of gray. He kept no beard.
He had huge veins and I enjoyed pressing the ones on the back of his hands. He never stopped me.
He always said he married early, and that it was good to marry early. I was going to get married early too, like papa.
I always imagined my wife looking like mama.
God bless mama.
She was the sweetest soul alive. Lighter than papa, she had long hair that wasnt black, but it was beautiful. She never wore weavons.
I loved how she smiled at me exposing her gap teeth, telling me I was her little man.
She was a hard worker, always putting things in order at home when papa wasnt around, having to put up with our excesses, especially from the twins.
I was almost three years older than them. Two years and eight months. Odion was the elder one, and Akhere came after. They were light skinned like mama, and Ehi.
At times they were quite a handful, and I had to separate fights all the time when we were home alone. They never seemed to agree with each other, unless the few times they ganged up against me.
Those times never did last, for they soon resumed their rivalry as suddenly as they ended it.
Mama said they would grow up to be very close, that twins always fought when they were little.
I couldnt wait.
Ehi...
The lastborn of the house, everyone adored her, even the twins.
She was easy to like. Cheerful with a cute dimple on her right cheek and a little voice that never stopped talking.
With her, I truly felt like a big brother. After mama, I was her favourite.
Probably because I always gave her a bit of my fish at supper. Or I was her only sibling who had time to play with her, and tickle her till she lay helpless on the floor convulsing with laughter.
Besides, me, Ehi was the only one who had a birth mark, black, on her right shoulder. Hers was small, and round, like the mark we saw on the foreheads of those women in indian movies.
Mine was bigger. It lay on my belly, just by my navel and was almost as big. I didnt like it.
It was ugly, a black patch which was very visible even from afar.
Mama said I was born that way, that it was a mark from God, given to me because I was special. She said it was never going to disappear.
I hated the sight of it. I always prayed to God to remove it, as soon as I learnt to pray.
He didn't.
"Good evening sah" a familiar voice greeted.
"Evening my boy... How are you?" Papa replied.
My heartbeat quickened!
"Fine sah". That voice belonged to Uchenna, the younger brother of Ugochukwu my best friend.
He was about the same age as my twin brothers. That however, was the only thing they shared in common.
Uchenna was a loner, hardly ever joining his mates when dey played football, or when they pushed tyres around the neighbourhood.
I could picture his lean frame crouched on the ground just outside our front door, drawing figures on the sand with a broomstick, then raising his head just long enough to greet papa before returning to his drawing.
On a normal day, we would all run out screaming:
"Daddy dede, oyoyo"
and we would take turns being lifted into the air.
Even Ehi had learnt to do it, and papa would throw her up in the air and catch her before pressing his lips on her belly, as if attempting to blow air into it.
Ehi shrieked with pure glee each time he did it, her dimple activated and her white milk teeth on full display.
I wish I had a dimple.
I didnt. But I had a black patch on my belly that just wouldnt go away.
Every such time, papa always carried Ehi on his hands, with her little hands wrapped around his neck.
This time, he didnt.
Papa opened the door and stepped in.
"Öbokhian" three subdued voices chorused. That was the way we said 'welcome' in Esan our native language.
No one had moved from their spot in an hour. Ehi was still fast asleep.
"Ehen... Is mama back yet?"
Papa spoke english with us more than esan. Mama made sure we could at least greet in our language and answer common questions.
Thanks to the holidays we spent in the village at times, I could speak a little, though I was far from fluent.
"No" I managed to reply.
No one else said a word. 3 pairs of eyes searched the floor for imaginary pins.
Then papa saw it. He moved closer and bent down to examine the tv carefully.
My heart skipped a beat.
Then without saying a word, papa got up and went to his room.
* * * * * * * * * *
It was almost 7pm before mama returned home with two 'ghana-must-go' bags.
Only Ehi welcomed her warmly. She had since woken up and was her usual cheerful self. Maybe she knew we were not to be disturbed, for she kept her distance, stumbling over some nursery rhymes mama had taught us.
Mama imediately sensed something was wrong, and touched each one of us on the forehead. Satisfied our temperature was normal, she looked around.
She flinched.
I knew she had seen it. I wanted her to asked what happened. I wanted the chance to tell her that it was not the fault of the twins.
I did not want her to walk away like papa did.
If anything, it meant big trouble.
"Where is papa?"
"Inside" I offered.
Ehi pointed to the door that led to the other parts of the house. My gaze followed in the direction of her little index finger.
There stood papa.
Mama greeted him and he mumbled something in reply.
"Ojie" Papa was looking at me.
"Sah?"
"What happened to that television?"
I was silent. I looked at the belt in his right hand.
I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to tell him how I dropped the remote control on the top of the television and went inside to urinate. How Odion and Akhere both made a dash for it immediately I was out of sight.
I wanted to to tell him that I was not there when it happened. That I was still easing myself when I heard a loud noise. I wanted to tell him I ran back to find the twins standing over the new television and the shattered vase, horror written all over their faces.
I looked at the twins. They looked scared. I felt sorry for them.
"Didnt I just ask you a question?" He moved closer.
I swallowed and looked down.
"I wanted to take my ball from the back and I mistakenly pushed it." I lied.
His hand connected with my face. The slap stung and tears started to well in my eyes.
"Do you know what it took me to buy it?" his voice was bitter.
Papa folded the belt in two and lashed at me. The first landed on my back. Pain errupted from that spot and spread all over my body. I went down in agony, crouching, with my hands shielding my head.
"Please, its ok, he is just a child" Mama pleaded in esan.
Papa ignored her.
The second stroke was quickly followed by a third.
The fourth stroked landed on my neck and I let out a blood chilling scream.
Mama gasped.
Papa raised his the belt to deliver the fifth.
Mama rushed in to shield me.
The belt landed on her back.
Papa had never hit mama before. He stopped and silently left for his room.
Mama held me tight and sobbed.
The twins looked on in guilt, shock and confusion.
Ehi looked on in fear, tears streaming freely down her cheeks.
That night I dreamt I was Messi and I broke in a million pieces when my twin brothers pushed down the tv with me in it.
However things changed in ways I had least expected. I was just a nine year old, I was not prepared for it.
You see, my family was not a very big one. At least Papa liked to think so.
At times, when we watched the evening news on tv we saw young men paraded for armed robbery. Every such time, papa would shake his head and say:
"This is why people should not have more children than they can care for. They end up constituting nuisance to the society."
I loved the sound of it. I knew I would speak 'big big grammar' like papa when I grew up.
One day, I recited the last sentence with him the best way I knew how. He stopped, looked at me, smiled and said "that's my boy"
I didnt know what nuisance meant but the way he said it, it sure was something really bad.
I was never going to be a nuisance. I was going to be like papa when I grew up. And Messi too.
I was going to buy a big coloured television and watch it with my family.
I loved the way friends of papa and mama called me papa's carbon copy.
Papa was not a very tall man, but he had a heavy build and his skin was the colour of chocolate. His hair, black, above a pair of thick eye brows, was always cut short, without the slightest hint of gray. He kept no beard.
He had huge veins and I enjoyed pressing the ones on the back of his hands. He never stopped me.
He always said he married early, and that it was good to marry early. I was going to get married early too, like papa.
I always imagined my wife looking like mama.
God bless mama.
She was the sweetest soul alive. Lighter than papa, she had long hair that wasnt black, but it was beautiful. She never wore weavons.
I loved how she smiled at me exposing her gap teeth, telling me I was her little man.
She was a hard worker, always putting things in order at home when papa wasnt around, having to put up with our excesses, especially from the twins.
I was almost three years older than them. Two years and eight months. Odion was the elder one, and Akhere came after. They were light skinned like mama, and Ehi.
At times they were quite a handful, and I had to separate fights all the time when we were home alone. They never seemed to agree with each other, unless the few times they ganged up against me.
Those times never did last, for they soon resumed their rivalry as suddenly as they ended it.
Mama said they would grow up to be very close, that twins always fought when they were little.
I couldnt wait.
Ehi...
The lastborn of the house, everyone adored her, even the twins.
She was easy to like. Cheerful with a cute dimple on her right cheek and a little voice that never stopped talking.
With her, I truly felt like a big brother. After mama, I was her favourite.
Probably because I always gave her a bit of my fish at supper. Or I was her only sibling who had time to play with her, and tickle her till she lay helpless on the floor convulsing with laughter.
Besides, me, Ehi was the only one who had a birth mark, black, on her right shoulder. Hers was small, and round, like the mark we saw on the foreheads of those women in indian movies.
Mine was bigger. It lay on my belly, just by my navel and was almost as big. I didnt like it.
It was ugly, a black patch which was very visible even from afar.
Mama said I was born that way, that it was a mark from God, given to me because I was special. She said it was never going to disappear.
I hated the sight of it. I always prayed to God to remove it, as soon as I learnt to pray.
He didn't.
"Good evening sah" a familiar voice greeted.
"Evening my boy... How are you?" Papa replied.
My heartbeat quickened!
"Fine sah". That voice belonged to Uchenna, the younger brother of Ugochukwu my best friend.
He was about the same age as my twin brothers. That however, was the only thing they shared in common.
Uchenna was a loner, hardly ever joining his mates when dey played football, or when they pushed tyres around the neighbourhood.
I could picture his lean frame crouched on the ground just outside our front door, drawing figures on the sand with a broomstick, then raising his head just long enough to greet papa before returning to his drawing.
On a normal day, we would all run out screaming:
"Daddy dede, oyoyo"
and we would take turns being lifted into the air.
Even Ehi had learnt to do it, and papa would throw her up in the air and catch her before pressing his lips on her belly, as if attempting to blow air into it.
Ehi shrieked with pure glee each time he did it, her dimple activated and her white milk teeth on full display.
I wish I had a dimple.
I didnt. But I had a black patch on my belly that just wouldnt go away.
Every such time, papa always carried Ehi on his hands, with her little hands wrapped around his neck.
This time, he didnt.
Papa opened the door and stepped in.
"Öbokhian" three subdued voices chorused. That was the way we said 'welcome' in Esan our native language.
No one had moved from their spot in an hour. Ehi was still fast asleep.
"Ehen... Is mama back yet?"
Papa spoke english with us more than esan. Mama made sure we could at least greet in our language and answer common questions.
Thanks to the holidays we spent in the village at times, I could speak a little, though I was far from fluent.
"No" I managed to reply.
No one else said a word. 3 pairs of eyes searched the floor for imaginary pins.
Then papa saw it. He moved closer and bent down to examine the tv carefully.
My heart skipped a beat.
Then without saying a word, papa got up and went to his room.
* * * * * * * * * *
It was almost 7pm before mama returned home with two 'ghana-must-go' bags.
Only Ehi welcomed her warmly. She had since woken up and was her usual cheerful self. Maybe she knew we were not to be disturbed, for she kept her distance, stumbling over some nursery rhymes mama had taught us.
Mama imediately sensed something was wrong, and touched each one of us on the forehead. Satisfied our temperature was normal, she looked around.
She flinched.
I knew she had seen it. I wanted her to asked what happened. I wanted the chance to tell her that it was not the fault of the twins.
I did not want her to walk away like papa did.
If anything, it meant big trouble.
"Where is papa?"
"Inside" I offered.
Ehi pointed to the door that led to the other parts of the house. My gaze followed in the direction of her little index finger.
There stood papa.
Mama greeted him and he mumbled something in reply.
"Ojie" Papa was looking at me.
"Sah?"
"What happened to that television?"
I was silent. I looked at the belt in his right hand.
I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to tell him how I dropped the remote control on the top of the television and went inside to urinate. How Odion and Akhere both made a dash for it immediately I was out of sight.
I wanted to to tell him that I was not there when it happened. That I was still easing myself when I heard a loud noise. I wanted to tell him I ran back to find the twins standing over the new television and the shattered vase, horror written all over their faces.
I looked at the twins. They looked scared. I felt sorry for them.
"Didnt I just ask you a question?" He moved closer.
I swallowed and looked down.
"I wanted to take my ball from the back and I mistakenly pushed it." I lied.
His hand connected with my face. The slap stung and tears started to well in my eyes.
"Do you know what it took me to buy it?" his voice was bitter.
Papa folded the belt in two and lashed at me. The first landed on my back. Pain errupted from that spot and spread all over my body. I went down in agony, crouching, with my hands shielding my head.
"Please, its ok, he is just a child" Mama pleaded in esan.
Papa ignored her.
The second stroke was quickly followed by a third.
The fourth stroked landed on my neck and I let out a blood chilling scream.
Mama gasped.
Papa raised his the belt to deliver the fifth.
Mama rushed in to shield me.
The belt landed on her back.
Papa had never hit mama before. He stopped and silently left for his room.
Mama held me tight and sobbed.
The twins looked on in guilt, shock and confusion.
Ehi looked on in fear, tears streaming freely down her cheeks.
That night I dreamt I was Messi and I broke in a million pieces when my twin brothers pushed down the tv with me in it.
Tuesday, 8 January 2013
Mom Drives Away with Her 5-weeks-old Baby on Her Car
Have you ever placed your cup of coffee on top of your car,
only to forget about it and drive away, your cup still steaming on top?
Have you ever placed your baby’s car seat, with your baby strapped
inside of it, on top of your car, only to forget that your little one is
still up there - so you drive away?
19-year-old Catalina Clouser “put her 5-week-old baby on top of her car in his car seat and drove away, apparently forgetting he was there, not even noticing when the seat fell off the car and landed in an intersection, police said.”
The baby was discovered in the roadway, uninjured and still strapped in his car seat, by neighbors. The police believe that Clouser was under the influence of something, most likely marijuana, which impaired her judgment.
The baby is now in the custody of Child Protective Services.
I’ve forgotten a water bottle on top of my car. And when I was younger, I had an outdoor cat that liked to sunbathe on the top of my mother’s van; and he once stayed up there while my mother began driving to the grocery store (he jumped off at the first stop sign).
Forgetting that your baby is on top of the car and driving away seems unbelievable! Not hearing the car seat fall off, and continuing to drive – still forgetting – seems much crazier. He was 5 weeks old… how do you forget that? You don’t – if you can’t be responsible enough to keep your judgment intact at all appropriate times, you should not have children.
What’s the craziest thing you placed on top of your car but forgot about, and then drove away?
19-year-old Catalina Clouser “put her 5-week-old baby on top of her car in his car seat and drove away, apparently forgetting he was there, not even noticing when the seat fell off the car and landed in an intersection, police said.”
The baby was discovered in the roadway, uninjured and still strapped in his car seat, by neighbors. The police believe that Clouser was under the influence of something, most likely marijuana, which impaired her judgment.
The baby is now in the custody of Child Protective Services.
I’ve forgotten a water bottle on top of my car. And when I was younger, I had an outdoor cat that liked to sunbathe on the top of my mother’s van; and he once stayed up there while my mother began driving to the grocery store (he jumped off at the first stop sign).
Forgetting that your baby is on top of the car and driving away seems unbelievable! Not hearing the car seat fall off, and continuing to drive – still forgetting – seems much crazier. He was 5 weeks old… how do you forget that? You don’t – if you can’t be responsible enough to keep your judgment intact at all appropriate times, you should not have children.
What’s the craziest thing you placed on top of your car but forgot about, and then drove away?
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